Today social media is full of precious faces and incredible stories of autism and the people behind the label. Those children and adults who are too often misunderstood, ignored, and laughed at for their little quirks and rigid rituals. As we celebrate World Autism Awareness Day, I would like to talk about the part of disabilities so many forget; the siblings.
As I write I think of my oldest and only daughter. My only other child and the child who always had to step back and settle for whatever we had left over to give. The child who has grown into such an amazing woman and who makes me feel incredibly blessed every day. She is not a religious person, but I have always told her that I prayed everyday of my life for her. All I ever wanted was to be a mom and a wife. With Joe and her, my entire world was everything I ever wanted in life.
Mia was two days shy of being exactly two years old the day Jake was born. She really has no knowledge of life before him. To her, Jake’s birth and all that followed was just her normal. She was always so precious with Jake and treated him just like any big sister would treat her baby brother. She even attended most of his therapy sessions with him and played happily with all the other siblings and special needs children who came into her life.
It really was not until middle school that she started realizing that our family was not quite like all the others. We had to have smaller birthday parties because Jake would get overwhelmed or we had no one to babysit him. We tried our best to do as many things we could and include our entire family but eventually, Jake’s behaviors left only me or Joe attending the various concerts, plays, and activities that Mia was part of.
I remember the day she realized the word retarded meant something not so nice. She looked heartbroken that people would say ugly things about her brother, but the reality was she was getting bullied at school because she had a brother who was different. Just another reality of having a child with special needs. Just one more thing that Mia had to deal with.
Amazingly, I think those hard times have helped shape Mia into the person she is now. She is definitely a champion for those who are less fortunate, those who have disabilities, and those who are considered by so many to be less than. She often has a hard time being her own champion which she probably gets from me. She is definitely stronger than I was at her age. I guess she always had to be.
People often tell us parents that they don’t know how we do it? We special needs families say to ourselves, “we didn’t know we had a choice?”
Having a child with a disability changes you. It changes your family, your friends, and it definitely changes what you thought your life would look like. But it also changes you in many positive ways. Our family would not have met the amazing people who have crossed our paths and become like family without disability. I am not sure I would be as outspoken if disability had not been a part of our family. I know also, that even with the hardships of being a sibling of a child with a disability, my daughter is, in many ways, who she is because she had to face some difficult situations and challenges, including giving up some of herself and her childhood because of disability.
So today, I celebrate my daughter, and all the other incredible siblings of children with autism and other disabilities.
You are loved, you are appreciated, and you are noticed for all you do and all you give up.
